This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize