so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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