When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
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