Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
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