Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
