We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
