My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
