i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Randomize
