i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
