I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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