maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
