how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
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