My boss' voice literally gives me gas
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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