Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
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