i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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