I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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