if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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