well you can't waste a boner
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
