Do you still have your period?
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Proof That Kendall Jenner Is The Queen of Cannes
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.