When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it