matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Goodnight sugar queer
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.