At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
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I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
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He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog