I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
