chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
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