I can tuck mytits in my pants
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
