My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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