Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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