Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I think my moral compass just broke
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