i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Randomize
