thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
