Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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