When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
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