I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
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