Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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