just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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