Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Randomize
