Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Someone came in the potted fern
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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