I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Buhtt sex?
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
