ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You pole danced in your parka.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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