Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
We are two peas in an std pod
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Randomize
