Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
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I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
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We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
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