I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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