eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
