He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
