'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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