just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
