i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
