allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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