yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
