I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
