I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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