I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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