I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Randomize