Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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