Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Randomize
