instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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