I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
