everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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