MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
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